The Girl In The Supermarket

It was a usual, lovely day at the supermarket, teeming with families with shopping carts, hurrying by to get their shopping done before dinner time. The air, besides the wafting aroma of freshly baked bread, mingled with a mixture of some chatter of shoppers, rushed footsteps, the wheel of shopping carts gliding by, and the beep of the cash register.

It was a usual day at the supermarket…

…Until a child’s piercing scream broke the monotony in the air. Somewhere in the toys’ section, a little girl was found sprawling on the floor; her blue and white kindergarten uniform disheveled and crumpled as she contorted her small body with clenched fist and kicking legs, wildly protesting. 

It was a scene that was impossible to ignore: some shoppers stopped by and observed the situation, some cautiously maneuvered their carts away from the girl. Other onlookers were taken aback; children shopping with their parents were confused and scared at the commotion unfolding before their eyes. 

It was not a pleasant sight to behold. . 

Her father walked away due to overwhelming embarrassment while her mother tried calming her down with comforting words and gestures. Yet the girl did not budge. 

“No! I want the big bunny!” 

“I’ll tell you one more time.. You can get the smaller bunny. We can’t afford a big one.” Her mom’s gentle voice exclaimed. 

“NO!” 

“It’s either the small one or nothing.” Her tone was assertive and authoritative this time. 

Despite her mother’s offer, the struggle persisted— the little girl resisted with all her strength. Her mother picked her up, gripped tightly upon one arm and dragged her across the store to the nearest exit. The onlookers could not help but offer her mother a sympathetic look while the girl’s cry still echoed through the supermarket, pleading with desperation for her mother to get her what she wanted. Eventually they went away, and the momentary chaos ceased in the supermarket.   

I could not help but wonder about what I would do if I were in her mother’s shoes. 

I do not want any children of my own, due to my fear of having to take care of someone like my younger self— the little girl in this scenario. 

This chaos in the supermarket was just the tip of the iceberg. Growing up, I was often stubborn, constantly wanting things to go according to my desires, my way. Needless to say, this trait often created unrest at home, for I was unwilling to yield to the elders (a taboo in my culture). However, as time passed, that aspect of my temperament gradually subsided, giving way to a calmer demeanor— although a huge part of the stubbornness still lingered on. 

I exhibit this characteristic in many ways: my defiance towards authority, my reluctance to heed advice regarding my friends and lovers, my utmost determination to live life on my own terms, and it eventually left an imprint on my personal beliefs, my religion... 

My own family likened my obstinance to a mule’s, and I concur. 

Once I have set my mind on something, it is near impossible to change my viewpoint. 

However, I met God along the way. He softened my heart and won me over to His side with  patience and unconditional love. It took years before I finally requested for a Bible study and decided to go to a Bible training program. While I had my plans in life to be a successful lawyer, God had called me to be in ministry.

I was transported back in time to the same scenario in the supermarket once more— kicking, screaming, yelling… 

NO, GOD. PLEASE. NOT MY DREAMS! 

I wanted to live a successful, comfortable life. I wanted to be able to provide for my family, and to make them proud. Above all, I wanted to prove my naysayers wrong, that I amount to nothing. Good heavens, I had everything planned out!  

Being in ministry meant that I would have to sacrifice everything and to flush my dream down the drain. I knew myself well enough to know that I would not survive in a ministry setting. I did not understand the calling or the purpose. I did not want to give it all up for an unknown future.  

The thought of attending a missionary training school in Virginia shot my anxiety through the roof. I struggled for a few months when I was presented with the opportunity. Afterall, I  re-enrolled with the University of London and I had one final step to take to make my dream a reality— paying the school fees. 

I did not want to give it all up because it was too close within reach. Why would I sacrifice my whole life for an unaccredited degree anyways? 

However, the God we serve is very patient, kind and long-suffering. He continued to send me messages of encouragement through the story of Abraham that He will provide and take care of me. Time and time again He spoke to me through sermons, devotions, conversations, convictions. Eventually I made a pact with God. 

“Lord, if it’s really Your will for me to attend the Bible college in Virginia, please show me a clear sign that You will provide.” 

Within a week, someone called me up as he shared the “good news” that I had a sponsor for my studies in Virginia. I had mixed feelings: while I was happy that God came through with His promises and that He answered my prayers, I was devastated. I could never pursue my own dreams anymore. 

Moreover, this meant that I had to break up with my former boyfriend. How could I break this news to him? 

Zach was my ideal person: our shared love for travel created a strong bond between us. The chemistry we had was remarkable— we effortlessly connected through our shared appreciation for lame puns. He was very intelligent, and we complimented each other in ways that felt natural. He always expressed how our unique quirks were perfectly aligned, often telling me “your crazy matches my crazy.” Above all, he shared my passion in writing— a rare trait I had longed for in a partner, but had never encountered. 

Nevertheless, a significant change happened when I became a Christian. This caused a fracture in my relationship: my newfound faith led to a drastic shift in my lifestyle as I no longer enjoyed the party scene, abstaining from some activities that we enjoyed previously. Unfortunately, he showed no interest in embracing Christianity which became a huge part of my life.    

“This Christian life does not suit you, Min. You had to pretend to be holy and I don’t even recognize you anymore!” 

He was right. Since I became a Christian, I no longer felt the need to consume alcohol to have fun. I was convinced that this was not the lifestyle God had intended for me. I spent more time in church, serving God and giving Bible studies. My Friday nights were occupied with church activities, and this went on for the whole Sabbath day. When Saturday evening came, I was exhausted, though I felt fulfilled, peaceful and happy. I was thankful for the presence of God in my life. Hence, my partying days came to an end. Consequently, I spent less time with Zach. 

Alas, things had to come to an end regardless due to a huge disparity in our core values. Despite my mule mentality in thinking that Zach was the person for me (since I had deep affections towards him), Christianity was too big of a difference that we could not reconcile with. Albeit there were efforts of him trying to sway my decision from embracing Christianity, I stood my ground. I was faced with a choice, and it was an ultimatum: him, or God. 

I was deeply convicted of the truth and nothing could sway me from my belief. I knew of whom I believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to guard that which I have committed unto Him against that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)  With a heavy heart and writhing pain, I told him that we had to part ways. God was the priority in my life, and He always will be. Moreover, I had decided to pursue Theology (and Education years later) in Virginia.

This event took place six years ago. Upon reflection, I had no regrets about standing firm for my faith, for it had taken me down a path that gave me true joy and peace of mind, a calling which gave me a satisfaction and purpose to life— being a high school teacher as a means to reach out to the youth, showing Christ’s love to them, molding and guiding their minds to follow Jesus. Sacrificing my dream was worth it. Recognizing how huge of a flaw my stubbornness was, I continued to surrender this trait entirely to God, trusting that He could transform it for His greater purpose. While my faith had not matched Nehemiah’s which was always unwavering and firm, I always held deep admiration for his undying commitment in rebuilding the wall in Judah. He was ‘stubborn’ in his vision and faith in God. Despite facing numerous opposition and deceit from his enemy, Nehemiah remained faithful until the end, steadfast in his conviction. I am certain that with God’s help, He can utilize even my greatest weakness— my stubbornness for His glory, “And we know that God causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.